Verified by Psychology Today. Valley Girl With a Brain. A few months ago, back in the golden days of interning at PT, I read a blog post that changed my life.
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Almost everyone has that ex they stayed with for too long, that one who never listened or could never commit, but still had some allure. Turns out biology might be to blame for our bad choices. Durante, K.
Today's single young woman is faced with a myriad of options for her love life. Whether she lives in a big city or a rural area, she can use the Internet to find countless men who are looking for everything from casual dating to long term relationships and marriage. She can go to singles events, attend events that aren't marketed as singles events but are really singles events, and even guarantee that she meets a set number of men at, say, a speed dating event.
It's easy to spot and avoid a guy who is definitely an asshole, but there are plenty of secret, undercover asshole dudes out there, just waiting for the right time to show their true colors. When you tell him a cool story about how this man sent a nice email complimenting something you did at work, he says, "He's probably hitting on you. But really, you're boning a guy who looks inward to his personality, sees a pile of rotting garbage, and shrugs it off, because somehow, in his depraved mind, being bad and knowing it is way better than just being bad.
However, in trying to reduce their lack into a single cause — women like assholes, not nice guys — they end up missing the forest for the trees. All other evidence gets folded into the idea, regardless of whether it actually works or not. Nor is it a case that asshole behavior triggers evo-psych mating instincts in women.
If I asked you to identify the biggest asshole in your life right now, how quickly would you be able to come up with a name? Some of us might be able to list three or four assholes with whom we interact on a daily basis, plus all of the anonymous assholes who cut us off in traffic, cut in front of us in line, and otherwise make our lives miserable. Want to know how to identify the assholes in your life?
After six years of the security, support, and occasional suffocation that comes with a long-term monogamous relationship, I recently became single for the first time as an adult out of college. I knew dating again would be a strange and possibly emotionally difficult experience after so long with one person. We had sex, texted, and hung out without counting the hours between messages or playing hard to get. The second time, however, I was not so lucky.
Let's all be very honest with ourselves: we as men are currently living in the age of the asshole. Not the usual interpretation of an asshole, though, as in the kind nobody wants to be around because he is so insulting. This is the new asshole, the guy who girls say they hate when they really find him quite attractive. Although this new asshole is pompous, arrogant and well aware that he is the greatest thing to happen to planet Earth since the invention of Nutella, what is most evident in terms of his characteristics is the fact that he is a man of power, drive and assertiveness, and these are qualities everyone find appealing.